Wednesday, May 12, 2021

The inevitable crash

 I’ve been riding this manic high for a few weeks. But without warning, the crash came last night. Who knows how long it will last this time. My energy is tanked, my motivation depleted, my mood is very low. Crying feels like the best way to release some of it but I can’t even cry. It’s numbing. It’s dark. I know it will pass. I know I’ll get up and go again. But right now I don’t want to leave my bed. Right now I want to quit everything. Sleep is my friend. 

I don’t want to medicate because I love my manic highs. Medication made me feel suicidal last time and it made me a zombie. I can battle this alone. I can work through it naturally. But, today, I just want to sleep. 

-Journee

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