Imma break it down for you.

 Ok, I get it. I’ve been called Trish by many of you for 30- plus years (we won’t admit just how old I am here lol). For many of you it’s like I just woke up and said ok I changed my name. But honestly I asked my mom to change my name when I was a teenager. At that time I wanted to be SUMMER DOLORES MAX, but mom obviously didn’t allow it. Anyway, as an adult I found out I could change it simply by filing with the local courts. But, The abruptness of it. The fact I did it on April fools day. I get that you don’t understand. But, it’s not meant for you to understand. I actually swore to myself that I would NOT explain it to anyone. The name choice to you might seem so random. But honestly I’ve thought about it a while and kept it to myself. Mostly because a lot of you are opinionated about a subject matter that you really have no say in. BUT all that aside, I decided to break it down and explain the meaning behind the new name. It’s deep within me and maybe once you read this you might understand. 

Most of you still won’t accept it, it is what it is though. 

JOURNEE LOVE VVANDERLUST

I’ll start with my given birth name, TRISHA MARIE PETERS

I just want to ask to begin with, how many of you have a name that references to a DICK? Look, kids are straight up assholes, and unless you have some name like this one growing up, you might not quite understand the torment I faced for many many years being a woman having a last name that is another term for a man’s cock. It. Was. Horrible. 

So, the majority of my life I spent despising my last name. I hated it more than I hated my ex husband so when I got divorced I kept his last name for quite a while. I did eventually go back to it after my second divorce. Because, at one point I thought, it’s who I am and I have no say in it. And I really did try to embrace it. But, even as an adult and even some of the people who are closest to me still liked to tease me relentlessly. It becomes exhausting hating something about yourself so much. I didn’t choose this name. It was given to me. By parents who, first off, thought I was a boy and was going to name me Jonathon. And when I think about my name and think about my life my dad really wasn’t around a lot growing up and his dad does before I was ever born so it’s not like I was bonded to the name Peters, it was never deeply rooted to me to have any meaning. I just don’t feel like I should continue to have a name that I am teased for and have to honor it, Like, why should I do that?

And Trisha... from Patricia, my mother. Who swore I was a boy and had no girl names picked out, so stuck me with a version of hers so she would be allowed to leave the hospital. Not much thought really put into that one. She did say to me earlier this year that she wished she would have been called Tricia instead of Patty... but that’s HER and we are different people with completely different personalities and lifestyles. Funny how I was supposed to be a boy with a J name and the name I’ve chosen for myself is a J name 😜. Trisha, Trish. Isn’t a horrible name. But once you start getting called Trash and Trasha it once again burrows down inside me to this hatred and trauma. Like why are kids so fucking mean, yo?!

Lastly, there is Marie. Named from my great grandmother whom I’ve never met. Great tribute and all for my parents to do that, but honestly it just bares no meaning to me. I’ve never met the woman. I know very little of her life and legacy. I’m guilty of giving my children names after their relatives too, but honestly think people should stop doing that. Let kids be their own person and not have to be named after someone else. There is another middle name that I’d love to have more than Marie. Love. It just holds so much more meaning to me than a woman I’ve never met and know so little about. 

Ok, ok so there is why I want to change my name. And Here is why I picked the one I wanted. 

                         

I had my dna tested to find out my genetic heritage. Turns out I’m a whole whole lot of Dutch/German! A little Scottish English and Norwegian in there also but the majority definitely has the German traits. 

I’m sure most everyone is familiar with the word: Wanderlust. It’s a German word meaning the desire to travel the world. 

Did you know that in German a W sounds like V? In America we say wanderlust but in Germany they say vanderlust! Speaking of Vander, the Dutch words van der means “from the family of” and the German word lust means desire. So Vvanderlust can be translated to the meaning “from the family of desire” which speaks so true to my being. 

Now, what about JOURNEE? Well, my original thought was Journey. Because life is a journey. And my life certainly has been. Then I saw the French spelling Journee and decided though it was more as a cutesy spelling than anything, I liked it better as a name than writing it as Journey. But then to top it off I researched the French word journee and it actually means day. So, if saying life is a journey that you take day by day, it just felt so right as if it were suited for me.

Lastly, Love. Most importantly SELF LOVE, that I have been working so hard on to love and respect myself and to make choices that are best for me no matter what others think. Soo many reasons I’ve found over the years to hate myself based on the perception of others. It’s simply time to let it go and do what I want and I love because it is my journey in life, after all. Plus for many years I’ve never claimed a religion but I’ve believed that love is our greater power. We do a lot for love and passion, and if only the world was more loving then maybe we’d all be in a little bit better of a place. So using the name love as a middle name is so important to me as it reminds me of my message for self love and world love. 

Ultimately what it comes down to is the meaning of Journee Love Vvanderlust is a tribute to my authentic self about my growth and discovery in self love, my desires and goals to travel and see all the beauty in the world, and paying respects to my Dutch and German heritages -which before I took my DNA test swore wasn’t accurate (secretly was hoping to be a little more exotic lol). 

There you have it, folks. The reason behind my self chosen name. It doesn’t need to make sense to you. You don’t have to like it. The important thing is that I like it and it’s something I had the power to change in my life. And I respect myself for doing it. And I greatly love and appreciate all of you that have applauded my decision, and stood by, supporting me fully. 

While it might not really matter who does or doesn’t support you, it sure does feel good when you have a circle of people cheering you on and celebrating your wins with you. It feels less lonely when you have an amazing support team. 

Love & Light to you all. Even those of you that have broke my heart and abandoned me in my time of growth. 

~𝐽𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑒