Die already.

 I just want TRISHA PETERS to die. 

I say that, not in a suicidal way, but in a self hatred way. However, is it self hatred if she is not me, anymore? 

I had to revisit some of that torment last night. I was being questioned about the depth of my self hate to see where the roots of it are. It’s not an easy thing to stare in the face. The things I’ve done as Trisha aren’t pretty. They don’t define the person that I am today. But the skeletons in the closet are so dark and haunting. I just want to escape them. I want them to die. I want everything about the life of Trisha to disappear. I want to reinvent myself and be someone totally new. I want to forget all those things that pull me back beneath the surface and just move on with a new life. 

I think I love acting so much because it gives me an outlet. It gives me a chance to be somebody else and love a different life. A temporary escape from the prison my soul feels in. 

I just want to be able to let go. So, please, for the sake of my sanity and my future to be bright, please. Just let Trisha Peters die.